Update to my Update

Good news folks, as of yesterday, my cervix ISN'T short. It is a beautiful length. I had to go back to the ER yesterday because of damn contractions and the doctors still assumed that I had a short cervix. Well after the ultrasound, which the tech was the rudest of the bunch (she wouldnt let me see or hear the heart beat, or even let me look at the baby), they found out my cervix is up high inside, but a great length. So the ER doctor diagnosed me with dyhydration, (but only have me 1 bag of fluid). I am so done with hospitals right now. My goal is NOT to see a hospital or my OB (other than normal visits) for the month of July. So as of now, the only thing keeping the pregnacy a pain in the butt is the Hyperemisses. So lets raise a glass of water and cheers to no other speed bumps!

Baby Bean Update

Well so far so good for this pregnancy. Granted I got diagnosed with Hyperemisses (extreme morning sickness), been in the ER 4 times for dehydration, had a scare of possible gestational diabetes (lucky not, just the opposite low blood sugar), and now the latest scare, extremely short cervix. Ever since Anthony's birth, I always had a risk for cervical incompetence, but the doctors figured that since I've had 3 good size babies since then, all is good. Right now, I'm not officially diagnosed with cervical incompetence, but everyone is on elevated alert. I go back next Friday for some measurements, and more than likely have to go in frequently for measurements.

Well on some happier notes. I had a early ultrasound about a week ago, and the bean looks like a boy! I'll admit I kinda wanted another little girl, but now I wouldn't change anything.

All I want right now is to make it pass 24 weeks or even further. I don't think I could survive burying another baby. I already pleaded my case to Heavenly Father, I'll probably plead a few more times in the following weeks.

Oh my camera is busted again!!!!! So soon as I get another one (which will be real soon) I'll start posting pics of the munchkins. Would you believe Tator is a year old now??!!??!!?? She is running, talking, and being such a diva. The boys have partial braces!!! OOOOhhhh yeah loads have been going on. Until next time, TTFN.

I blabbed

Update to my crazy life:

I had my doctors appointment on Thursday with Dr. N. We saw a sac in the uterus, but we didn't see a heart beat (yet). Since we don't have a date to base anything on we are playing "milestone" game. I go back in on the 14th to have another ultrasound, hoping to see a heart beat then. I am pretty confident that all is good. Just in the last few days, my body is screaming PREGNANT. My 'milking containers' (this is me trying to be sensitive to those reading) are so sore and as my hubby puts it, huge. Morning sickness is worse in the mornings and evenings/night time.

I swear I have psycho fetus growing inside me. Food cravings to nausea in 2 secs. flat. Don't get me wrong I love the idea that I am having another baby, but I am still dealing with that fact.

Anyways, so, yeah, I am not hiding anymore. I have a baby growing inside me, and I can not wait to know more about this little bean. Like due date, gender, and who in the world am I going to use for a doc. Yeah that isn't the baby's fault there.

Well off to try to rest before Tator wakes up.

Ramblins of a crazy woman

I told myself I wouldnt post anything that I found out yesterday on Facebook or here, but aaaacckkkk, if I dont say something, I'm going to scream or bust or both! Well if you read my last post then you some what know what is going on. Yesterday I went back to Dr. Nemiro's for another ultrasound and a shot of progestrone in the tookus. I even took Tator Tot with me. After waiting for almost 30 mins (could of been longer), one of the techs called me back for my ultrasound and shot. When the tech stuck the probe up me (yeah TMI) BAM!!!! There was something on the screen. Me: Ummm, that wasnt there before. Tech: So you see that too? Me: Yeah, what is it? Tech: I have a few thoughts, when was your LMP? Me: January 22 Tech: Well then thats not it, too small. But you could of...... Me: Could of what???? Is that a sack? How thick is my lining? Tech: Could of ovulated late. Could be a sack, I dont see an heart beat, but I do see something inside. Oh your lining is so thick, at least 14mm and your uterus is larger than normal. Me: But 3 weeks ago we did an ultrasound and nothing and prior to that the HCG test came back negative!!!! Is this possible? Uhhh... are we sure... but look the sack is low, is that bad? Tech: It isnt impossible, and yeah with your previous HCG negative I'm confused too. Do you feel pregnant? Yeah the 'sack' is low but it might not be a sack but a popped blood vessel. Lets do another blood test to see what it is or isnt. I'm going to go ahead and give you the progestrone shot. Me: I've been feeling like I was pregnat since Febuary, but the test came back negative. Wait! If I am, will that hurt the baby? Tech: Nope, if you are then it is preserving the pregnacy, if your not then possibly the next few days you will have your cycle. Let me get our lab lady. Wait here. Me: Okay. (tech leaves and aaacckkk my brain wouldnt stop racing.) Yeah this is a dream. No way I could be, the test said so. But what if I am?? How far along? Maybe we are just seeing things on the ultrasound. Nay I'm not, I cant be, well I can be. Anyone can be if you have .. well you know. (I just kept on rambling to Tator.) That is the short version, or what I could remember. I was so shocked that my brain was out of commission. So they drew my blood around 12:30 and normally about 2 hours later I get the results. So when 2:30 arrived, i grabbed my phone and waited. Waited. WAited. WAITED! Hmm maybe since that about lunch time they need another hour. So I waited til 3:30, grabbed my phone again, and waited, waited, waited. AAACCKKK! Why wont they call. It must be negative, other wise they would of called because is it unusual. Dang what time do they close? 4:00? Its 3:51, I better call them. Brenda is on the phone with another paitent, can she call you back? Sure. Okay so now I know that its negative. Or other wise they would of made me hold on the phone. Waited, waited, waited, WAITED! 4: 57, hmm I better call them again. Sure hon, let me put you on hold. ....................................................... (this is hold) ........................ Dr: Hello Tonya, it's Dr. Nemiro. We got your test back, congrads your pregnant. Me: Umm, okay, wow, woah. Okay, so what are my HCG levels? (expecting to hear 7, 9, 15) Dr. 4600. Me: WHAT??!!?? 4600?? 4.6.0.0? But... what... huh?? Dr: 4600. Me: But thats not little pregnant, thats alot pregnant. Are you sure? But a few weeks ago it was negative, ultrasound was negative.... Seriously Dr: Yeah that is puzzling, but yeah not little pregnant. I dont want to guess how far along are you. Please come back later this week for another ultrasound. And Congrads! And this is me since : @.@ :? :/ :) :( o.O No... ummm yeah... We are pregnant. But I dont know how far along, or when I'm due. Or if this is a viable pregnacy. But if you are reading this please dont say anything to anyone. At least not until I post it on Facebook. I go back in tomorrow for another ultrasound. There was a couple of questionable stuff on yesterday's ultrasound. But 4600 is a good number. And if you're wondering I did some research (internet research) 4600 is anywhere between 5-6 weeks, unless the questionables are multiables, but I'm not holding my breath anymore. For weeks now, everytime I would get sick, or my boobs hurt, or my nose played tricks on me, I've told myself that nope I am not pregnant. I have proof that Im not. The last few weeks I've belittle my body because I wouldnt bleed. I was so worried that I may have a bad thyroid or even thryroid cancer. The last few weeks I started wondering if I was starting the road to menapause. Now ...... I pray each time I go to the restroom that I dont see blood. Welcome to my world. Now remeber this is a scecret. I know LOL, if its a secret why post it on the internet. But I had to speak or I would go crazy.

Warning, more than likely TMI post, but ugggg

Again I warn you, this post will probably be TMI, but I need to vent, or talk to someone, even if its just to myself. So where do i start. How about I thought I was pregnant just a few weeks ago. Hey my body still thinks its pregnant even though every POS test, an ultrasound, and a HCG test said NOPE, NADA, KEEP WISHING, NEGATIVE, EMPTY, and NOT PREGNANT. You maybe asking yourself how can your body think that. Well I haven't seen a cycle since January 21, 2011, so in some ways I would be 9 weeks pregnant and more than likely telling folks. Now don't get me wrong we were trying, we figure lets try now and if nothing happen then we would wait a few months before we try again. So you should of seen my face when end of February came and I saw noting in my panties. I ran to Walgreens and bought a test (well a three pack). Went home and tinkled and waiting .............. 'negative'. Huh??!!?? went back to calender, counted.... and figure that maybe the test was negative because it wasn't first morning pee. Next morning, hopped out of bed, tickled again and ............ 'negative'. What the heck! Went to every possible pregnancy website I could find, and kept finding a lot of dumb people out there, but also I found a lot of tubal pregnancy stories. Since I only have one tube, I called the doctor that did my reversal. They recommend I come down do a blood test and see from there. Well that came back nada, which surprised them too. So they scheduled me for an ultrasound. They thought maybe I have a cyst, but ultrasound showed NOTHING!. Lining was a perfect 8 - 9 (perfect for growing a baby), no cyst, no tubal, nothing unusual. So shot me up with progesterone and told me in 7 - 14 days I'll see my cycle. After two weeks of cramping, mood swings, pain, pimples, NOTHING HAPPENED! You read correctly, NOTHING! So i called them back, lucky me, i get to go back to get another shot. (read with loads or sarcasm) Now most women wouldn't mind not having to worry about pads, tampons, leakage, cramps, bloating, and all those other 'blessings' we receive each month. But hey I want to have one more baby and you need to see our favorite aunt each month to know when we get to plan. I probably wouldn't mind either if I didn't feel so out of wack. I don't feel half way human. I feel like I'm caught in between two worlds. I feel like I can not tell what is top and what is bottom. I loose my temper sooo quickly, (my poor kids and husband), sooo tired, then so bouncing. Hey right now I am suppressing myself from killing Andrew's cat right now. He wont shut up from meowing. I can only think of two other times that my body went hay wired. The first one was shortly after our first baby was buried. My doctor then suggested that "My body was acting this way because this would of been Anthony's birth month" and in about a month or two all will be fine. Sure enough it was. The second is from about 3 years ago, (granted at this time I couldn't have kids so it didn't bother me and I never went to a doctor). But what I think happened is my body linked up with one of my pregnant friends. The reason I say that, is the day my cycle started, i found out later that my friends baby was born in the wee hours of the morning. I don't know if that is even possible, but hey if women can link up when living together, why not? Could this be menopause? But I'm only 32. No other symptoms. I'm too young! ACCAAAKKKK I'm going crazy. well I feel somewhat better venting. Well I go back to the doctors in a couple of days, maybe 2nd time is the charm.....

Bad - Terrible - Worst

Seriously this day can go down in history as black Friday or almost the worst day in my life. Yeah I know it isn't Friday, yet, but dang it what do you call Thursdays??!!?? There is Manic Monday, Hump Day Wednesday, and Party Friday... but Thursday... (ok Tuesday is left out too), but my horrific day isn't on any other day but today.

Started just like any other day. Get the boys up for school, get Taylor up & feed her before I leave, verifying homework status, since it is Day 5 at the boys school, also verifying violin and recorder status. Put the clothes into the dryer (remember the timer doesn't work so it doesn't shut off on its own) because I had an appointment this morning, this way they will be dry by the time I get home. Since Taylor is fed, I leave the diaper bag behind. Now I normally don't forget to grab my cell phone, but sometimes I do leave it behind. Now this morning I did leave the house in my pjs, which i don't usually mind, but this time I left the house without my bra, but remember I wasn't planning to get out of the van. Dropped off the boys and started on my way home. But that is when my day started going hay wired.

I noticed the van started to make a whistling noise. Now my first reaction was "Oh my window is down and I'm hearing wind noise." I notice if I pressed on the gas, the noise got louder and louder. My next thought well since I need to go to Mesa today I'll stop by VirNon's work to have him look at it. If I only knew what would happen next I think I would of stayed in bed. The light turned red at 51st Ave & Dunlap, the light turned green, but I couldn't move. The transmission failed! Now remember pjs, no bra, no phone, no diaper bag and now NO TRANSMISSION!!!! So I started flagging down drivers to borrow their phone, husband not recognize his own wife's voice, praying to be able to drive just a mile further to I can pull into Walgreens, my husband finally came and got us.

3 hours later (that is the amount of time it took me to get home) I finally remember about the dryer! Then I get a exorcise baby. She was sooo pissed that i wouldn't feed her more blueberries (this was the first time she had some so I kept the amount to an ounce), so I figure I would top her off with a bottle. After I did so, I was burping her and she looked at me and barfed all over my face!!! Ooooo Laaa Laaa blueberry flavored formula. Yeah not fun. I cleaned her up, put her in her swing and decided to shower off. Grumble grumble grumble. Getting out of the shower i slipped on the wet tile flat on my face. See I told you this day was terrible, and guess what not done yet.

After licking my wounded pride, I logged onto to FaceBook, where I get a messaged from my brother-in-law telling me that I am spamming folks. Huh??? I looked at my profile page and sure enough, I was. So after going to all my friends pages and verifying that this fraud link was removed I changed my password and warned everyone and logged off. Then I sat down and just cried.

See told ya! Go ahead and laugh and cry. I probably will one day, just not right now. I do want to say I am so gratefull for my ward families. A special hug to the Cuthberts and the Lees.

Also... just a thought I was thinking durning my clean up after the spazzed child.... why are they called blueberries, they are purple!!! *shruggz* Hope everyones day was better than mine!

Niters

Good Grief

Holy cow!!! Taylor has been cranky, and cranky is an understatement. I believe it is because she is teething. It's that or because we tried a new formula, this one has rice starch in it to help with spitting up. She only had a couple of bottles of this stuff because it was sooooo thick! So we stopped that one after I did some research that said formulas with rice starch is good for spitting up it can cause constipation. So no more of rice starch.

Okay I need for someone to smack me on the back of my head. I was so looking for to giving Taylor some homemade baby food at 4 months (because that is when I started with the boys), and I have given her some homemade applesauce, peaches, and peas. Not frequent meals, just maybe 1-2 times a day every 2-4 days. But lately I have been getting a lot of comments 'She is such a chunk. Aww look at those thighs.' and so on. Then I found some research saying that starting baby food before 6 months can cause obesity. I have found myself lately worrying about her weight and her looks and not wanting to give her anymore baby food. I know I know, stupid momma. But seeing how people treat over weight people (because I am one of those obese women) I don't want her to have those same problems. I wasn't always obese; depression and lack of activity is my downfall. Now I have been curvy, but a steaming hot curvy. What do you think, should I continue giving baby food?

Well Taylor wants me, and she is in a good mood!! Woohoo!!! Laters.

4 months!!! Woot Woot!!!

Taylor turned 4 months old today!!!! She is growing by leaps and bounds!!!! While at the pediatrician in the lobby, I saw a 9+ pound baby and Taylor looked huge compare to him. I didn't realize how much she has grown, until I saw her next to the little baby. He was even 2 pounds bigger than her at birth.... wow.

Here are her current stats:

Weight: 14 lbs 15 oz - 75% compare Birth: 7 lbs 2 oz
Height: 25 inches - 75% compare Birth: 19 inches
Head: 15 3/4 inches - 20% compare Birth: 13 inches

Her pediatrician is very impressed with her developments. She is advanced! Her milestones are at a 5-6 month old level!!!

More Pics for your entertainment ;)

This is Taylor's bouncy thingy. Yes there is a stool under it... she is too short :)

This the side of Samuel's book report.... suppose to look like the side of a book (except the words here)

This is Samuel's drawing.

This the front of his book report. we used my cricut to cut out the lettering from foam.

I did it... Yeah I did

Taylor and I finally had our first momma and daughter mall outing. While out at the mall, I did it..... I got her ears pierced. The first ear was no problem, but when we went to do the other ear.... Taylor was not game for the second ear. Boy did she get pissed at me and she made sure I felt terrible. But after a minute or two she was all better and had forgotten about it, phew. I was just going to wait till her next checkup to get them pierced, but she is already set up to receive 4 shots, i didn't want to traumatize her even more.

Well tonight we took VirNon out to shop for his birthday gift....... a hunting bow. He is so very very very excited. He deserves it.

Well in the last week two of my friends/family has babies. My friend's baby had a rough entry, and still in the hospital, so please pray for her. My family's baby as far as I know is doing good, though for a 42 weeker she is tiny in weight, but momma is skinny. I cant wait till I can see cousin's baby in about a month.

Also on the baby front.... No I'm not pregnant, but a well deserved family, which turns out to be family down the family branches, is pregnant. Please keep them in your prayers too, they have had a rough last two pregnancies .... rough is an understatement.

Well enough of my ramblings. Have a great nite!

Day 2.... Go Strong & Bursting

Well I just finished day 2 of not breastfeeding. Granted I pumped some out yesterday night and some tonight, other wise I would of BURST! Taylor is doing so much better, she even naps! Samuel even gave her a bottle yesterday while I put together Taylor's new toy, a jumping bouncer thingy. Tonight daddy gave her the night time bottle while I helped Samuel with his book report, which is turning out great!

I'll post some pictures later of Andrew's Baptism, Taylor's new toy, and Samuel's book report.

We are going to be camping with the ward this weekend. I'm a little nervous taking Taylor camping. I know all will work out, just nervous. I'll try to remember to bring my camera to take pics.

Oh I want to say that one of best friends that I went to school with, is having her baby today/tonight. She is doing a home/water birth. She is being so brave, and I will admitt that I'm jealous (I always wanted to do a water birth). Good luck Melissa and Seana bringing in your little lady.

Well I need to get my butt to bed. Niters folks.

I'm NOT a bad mommy.....

After a long day of nursing, I noticed Taylor was having trouble nursing again. Well I can't say she was having trouble but I wasn't making enough. So I've decided that we should go ahead and transit to formula.

If you know my little Taylor then you know she doesn't nap during the day, but guess what, after her bottle she has been napping for almost 1 and half hours. I hope this still means that she will sleep thru the night for me.

I am having some mixed feelings. I know formula isn't bad, hey I raised two great boys on it. I just feel like I'm being a quitter. I worked so hard to keep my milk after loosing it two other times. 3 1/2 months is a good run for a first try. My opinion is my appendix did me in a long time ago. Hey maybe our next baby I will be able to nurse longer.

This doesn't mean no snuggle time by no means. Now she can snuggle with daddy too. Boy do I love that little girl of mine! She is soooo purrrrfect!

Well I can hear her stirring. I better get some chores done.

Canning

I think I'm falling in love making jam. Last year, at this time, I learned how to make raspberry jam, peach jam, and how to can peaches. This year I with the help with the hubby made strawberry jam, and peach jam. It is sooooooooooooooooooooo easy. Seriously it is easy.

Well today I'm home with Taylor who is sick. Nothing bad just got mucus stuck in the back of her throat. So I made a real warm bottle with 250mg chewable vitamin C mixed in. It did help, but not completely. Well she is fussy again. I'll blog later.

Where is the Pause Button??!!??

First off I want to say, I was prepared, and I thought things can't get that crazy. I will humbly admit this I was WRONG!!!!!!! Let me explain.

I knew one day the kids' schedule would become crazy. That they would one day want to sign up for things. Their homework would take more time, and become more creative. But I wasn't ready for it to happen by 3rd & 4th grade.

I normally do very well with the boys signing up for things... granted they haven't had so much to choose from before. But this year uggg. I don't know if its because of taking care of an infant, the boys signing up with everything under the sun, starting of a new school year, or the start of a whole new school. I just really feel overwhelmed.

Andrew again has easy homework, more than he had last year, but overall compare to Samuel it is a piece of cake. So he decided to sign up for violin and the brain game club. Plus each month he has to do a monthly project. Last month was a poster about him and his likes; this month it is a book jacket about a book that he is reading. I don't know the book he picked because he left it at school. Plus he is a Wolf this year in the cub scouts.

Samuel.... what can I say about him, homework follows him like a starving beast. Not hard homework, but if he doesn't stay focus, he can get overwhelmed. Lately it has taken him approximately 2 hours to do his homework! He has nightly homework, weekly homework, and monthly homework. In his music class they are learning the recorder. Plus, yes i said plus, he signed up for violin. To top off his list he is a Bear in the cub scouts. I am amazed that he is wanting to do all this, but I am a little worried. He wanted to sign up for the brain game club too, but I had to tell him nope. He was sad, but I know it is the best decision.

Oh, VirNon signed up to play softball. He missed the first game because he was ill. So where is the pause button so I can play catch up!

I guess on a positive note, my cricut is being use quite a bit. I will try to get a picture of Andrew's poster from last month. Samuel is planning on using the cricut to make his book report. If it turns out how we are planning it, it will be cooooool. For Andrew's book jacket, I don't know if we are using the cricut for that. Well I'm tired! It took me 3 hours to finish this entry. Niters folks and God Bless each one of ya.

pictures

The boys watching Dare Devil

Taylor and sucking her thumb grrr

Andrew on the first day of 3rd grade

Samuel on the first day of 4th grade

Everyone has to have a naked baby picture :)

this is taylor's baby friend

This is her talking to her baby friend

So many Changes........

Well how have you been? Me? I feel like I've haven't stop running. I cannot believe almost 3 months ago I had a baby, almost 8 years ago Andrew was born and little over 9 years ago Samuel was born. I know such a cliche, my kids seem like they were just babies last week (well Taylor doesn't count LOL). Samuel is starting Bears this year, Andrew is starting Wolves, and miss Taylor is getting blessed September 5.

Andrew is getting baptised September 4. Yeppers he is turning 8 in just a week! I know, I didn't kill him. He is a great boy, but we had it rough for the first few years, but that wasn't his fault...... I take majority of the blame. But hey can't cry over spilt milk. He is a great boy, and I humbly love him. My life wouldn't be as colorful with out him.

Samuel is in the 4th grade, and he is going on his very first over night field trip this year to the Grand Canyon. *GULP* Yeah this momma bear is extremely nervous. Samuel has been growing by leaps and bounds. He is in the advance 4th grade math, and is holding a 100% while the average for the class is 92%, yeah I'm extremely proud!

Taylor is growing so fast, or she is trying. She is in 3-6 months clothes for about a week now. She has the most interesting smirky smile. She has made a new 'friend' on her changing table. On the changing table is setting her wipes and there is a picture of a baby and a mommy and for about a week now anytime she is on the changing table she arches her back so she can talk to her baby friend. It is so funny. She goes "OOOoooo" "Aaahhhh" laughs to her baby friend. And she has been sleeping thru the night!!!

Well if you haven't heard VirNon has started a new job. Still working on BMWs, but for an independent shop. Pros are more hours, which means more money. Cons are the company doesn't offer insurance of any kind. So we have been doing our homework and paperwork to get insurance (health, dental, life), and 401k paperwork. I have learned a lot in the last couple of weeks to honestly say, I hate insurances red tape. This is cover but that isn't, but if there is an emergency then yeah, but not until this number of months past and blah blah blah.

As for me, well I am adjusting to being a mom of a baby, a 3rd grader, a 4th grader, and a husband with a new job. I have been trying to get back into the swing of things, and slowly I'm getting there. I probably should be cleaning the house instead of blogging but hey my peps need to know LOL. I know there should be more to post about me, but I have no clue to write about me. I do know that I do want at least one more baby, but not right now, but soon, but not today.

The AZ Elkins are ticking and thriving. We are doing great and hope you all are doing wonderfully too!

Wisdom.... Hmmmm part 2

Now where did I leave off, oooh wisdom and how much I lack.

I think I have a idea of what I would or will tell my children about marriage. It isn't over after you say "I do", it is a process that is 24/7. Each day is a challenge, a reward, and an adventure. I will admit that I have it very very easy. I may not be spoiled in the 'finer' things in life, but I KNOW for a fact the following: My husband will always come home to me, my husband respects me, and he loves me and our children with all his heart. I know at the end of the day, when I go to bed, he will hold my hand, and tell me that I am beautiful. Marriage is also NOT 50%/50% it is 101%/101%. You must give yourself entirely to the other, if you are wanting them to give themselves to you.

Religion..... It is a personal choice. Make sure you make the choice that feels right for you, and not because of a boy/girl. I have been baptized in many many different religions, most because of my mom, but my last baptism I will have to admit that I started looking into was because of my husband (at that time he was my boyfriend). Poor missionaries, I would do all the discussions, but never make an appointment to get baptize. But after a year, I finally listen to the message, and decided that this was a right choice for me.

Foot in mouth.... well I would tell my kids think before you speak or write or text. I should follow my own advise, but I don't listen to myself. I often say or do things without thinking, but not to be mean, but most of the time I believe I'm being helpful or inquisitive. I have gotten better over the years but I still find myself going "dang i did it again".

Family..... This is my hardest one. I didn't grow up with the traditional 'family'. The 'love' that I heard people talk about between siblings, mom & dad, parents & children, and extended family was an imaginary friend. I do tell my boys that they are each others best friends, and they should be more forgiving of each other. I know that the last couple of years of 'people' watching, I have learned that family love isn't an imaginary friend, and it is very very possible. I have also learned that family isn't necessary just blood connection or marriage connection, there is a ward family bond too! Some friends can be called family, and sometimes they are better than your real family. I am grateful for the bonds I have made.

Well time for me to end my wisdom rants. Totally random thoughts, not that all are the right way to think, but the way my brain does it.

Wisdom.... Hmmmm part 1

Today loads of thoughts have been running thru my head. I am blaming it on hormones, Taylor, the boys, and friends. Let me warn you before you continue reading there maybe some real sensitive stuff, harsh stuff, and of course my weird random thoughts stuff. I didn't warn ya.

Today I started to wander what wisdom will I be able to give to my children when they get older. What things have I learned growing up, and what can I do for them. Unfortunately, I had a terrible childhood, the kind that destroys memories. To give you a heads up, my step dad (and i use that dad word very loosely) cherished me before my brother was born (at least that is what I have been told). I was his princess, took me everywhere, and even wished he was my dad. Sounds great huh??!!?? Well after my brother was born (and none of this is his fault, and i do love my brother with all my might), my step dad wanted to throw me away at the age of 4ish. He wanted my mom to get rid of me, and send me away to live somewhere else. His claims that I was trying to kill my brother. My mom told him no on numerous times, so he turned his love for me into hatred. He molested & beated me numerous times but I SURVIVED! So what wisdom do i have for my kids regarding childhood.... not much. I guess I can teach them to cherish each moment, friends will come and go, and MY LOVE will never turn to hatred (though i can get mad, I still love them).

Wisdom in love...... Ugg that is a hard one. I have been married before VirNon. I married him because my mom wouldn't visit me in my new home until I got married. So I found out when she was coming to AZ and I planned my wedding so she could be there. Not a very smart idea. So my advise in the love department.... Don't marry unless you are 200% sure it is the real thing. Also either grow up to be like their dad or marry someone like him, he is the best!

Wisdom in lost..... This one is hard. Virnon and I have lost an infant, and the one thing I remember someone told me one time: Parents shouldn't be burying their children, the children should bury the parents. This phrase has stuck with me for years, because it has so much truth in it. I believe the reason we where sent our angel, is because i had cancer. I would have never found it except i was pregnant. Granted Anthony stayed with us a little longer after we found out, but that is because i had a bad placenta, and if he wasn't the size he was, more than his life would of been lost. Since I have lost, I should be able to give advise, but i cant. I don't know how to tell them how to deal with the pain, the jealously, the anger, the grief, & the longing. I want to say with time things get better, but that is a cop out response. I know that I survived the biggest part of it, but I don't know how I did it. The toughest part is seeing a family go thru this recently, and I should know exactly what to say and do, but I felt incompetent. I want to take away their pain, I want to speed up recovery, I want them to have their baby, I want to rewind time and fix it for them, but sadly I can not. I do want them to know that Heavenly Father knows best, and sometimes that sucks. For the family who i am talking about, I believe you where sent your angel because of the IUD, without your angel, your husband and daughters may have lost you too. And you too had to carry so far so he too can take a breath, and to be held by the family.

Okay i need some tissues, and i need to take care of some mommy stuff. I'll be back later.

Not broken yet :)

Taylor had her 1 month check up. Here are her stats:

Weight: 8lbs, 5oz - 25th percentile

Height: 22.5 inches - 75th percentile

Head Circumference: 14 inches - 25th percentile

Taylor is finally gaining weight! Woohoo!! Her legs are straightening out so she is growing like a weed. Unfortunately after church yesterday we had to give her a baby enema. She hadn't poop in 7+ days and her tummy started hurting her real bad, even started messing with nursing. I'm not one of those breast feeding 'freaks', but I do have to say it was the formula that clogged her up. She felt better right a way, and started nursing terrific within a few minutes.

Nursing has gotten a lot better since I watched a few videos on YouTube, and looked up some info on the world wide web. I realized I was introducing the boob incorrectly, (yeah that would explain my nips being in so much pain), with a new sense of hope and practice, I think I got it down. Still having trouble nursing in public, being discreet. Any advise?

Things that I have learned this past month:

Can't leave Taylor on a bed or any piece of furniture because she can roll over already.

The boys are oblivious to Taylor right now, except they don't like to see or hear her cry.

Babies are tougher than I remembered.

There is so much more girl clothes to choose from than boys.

Daddies are whipped.

The most important, my heart can grow to love more than just my boys.

Well here is some pics from this last month. Hope you enjoy my ramblings.

Today after a good nurse session.
Kiss me you fool!
I know how to wipe all out!
Samuel holding Taylor

after a bath, look at that hair, it is really curly after a bath

Ummm, What Do Girls Do Again??!!??

First I want to say thank you to the ladies of the LPP ( La Pradera Park Ward) for a beautiful baby shower. Especially to Azure, Alyssa, & Lee Anne for hosting the grand event. from the bottom of my heart, I'm so very very very humbled & blessed.

Unfortunately with all of Taylor's new clothing and headbands, I've realized that I need to learn to be a girl again. I have been in a house full of boys that I became one.... ewwww! So i started thinking what do girls do, dress, play, makeup, hair.... etc.... I'm was lost for thoughts. Luckily there are enough girls in our ward to hopefully teach me before Taylor starts asking or needing :)

My mom never taught me about makeup, she always said I have a natural beauty. Maybe she didn't know how....hmmmm.

My mom never taught me about.... monthly visits from an aunt I never met until I became a teenager. Thank goodness for pamphlets in those boxes. But I do wonder sometime if that aunt has a husband, and if I will ever be meeting the uncle. o_O

One thing my mom did teach me is tomato paste DOESN'T remove the green that pools do to blonde hair.... including bathing in the paste..... Do you know how many cans it takes to fill a tub.... ALOT.

Boyfriends........Well I had many of them, and still have no clue about boys. Thank goodness I married a good guy.

BFFs..... Well I hope she has better luck in that department than I did.

Matching outfits... color coding... well don't look at me.... My mom would wear hot pink cowgirl boots, with lime green wranglers with a neon yellow shirt!!! No kidding. I'm a jean and T-shirt kind of momma.

Well I will either learn or embarrass Taylor. Momma hood is calling, laters.