Monday, March 28, 2011

Warning, more than likely TMI post, but ugggg

Again I warn you, this post will probably be TMI, but I need to vent, or talk to someone, even if its just to myself. So where do i start. How about I thought I was pregnant just a few weeks ago. Hey my body still thinks its pregnant even though every POS test, an ultrasound, and a HCG test said NOPE, NADA, KEEP WISHING, NEGATIVE, EMPTY, and NOT PREGNANT. You maybe asking yourself how can your body think that. Well I haven't seen a cycle since January 21, 2011, so in some ways I would be 9 weeks pregnant and more than likely telling folks. Now don't get me wrong we were trying, we figure lets try now and if nothing happen then we would wait a few months before we try again. So you should of seen my face when end of February came and I saw noting in my panties. I ran to Walgreens and bought a test (well a three pack). Went home and tinkled and waiting .............. 'negative'. Huh??!!?? went back to calender, counted.... and figure that maybe the test was negative because it wasn't first morning pee. Next morning, hopped out of bed, tickled again and ............ 'negative'. What the heck! Went to every possible pregnancy website I could find, and kept finding a lot of dumb people out there, but also I found a lot of tubal pregnancy stories. Since I only have one tube, I called the doctor that did my reversal. They recommend I come down do a blood test and see from there. Well that came back nada, which surprised them too. So they scheduled me for an ultrasound. They thought maybe I have a cyst, but ultrasound showed NOTHING!. Lining was a perfect 8 - 9 (perfect for growing a baby), no cyst, no tubal, nothing unusual. So shot me up with progesterone and told me in 7 - 14 days I'll see my cycle. After two weeks of cramping, mood swings, pain, pimples, NOTHING HAPPENED! You read correctly, NOTHING! So i called them back, lucky me, i get to go back to get another shot. (read with loads or sarcasm) Now most women wouldn't mind not having to worry about pads, tampons, leakage, cramps, bloating, and all those other 'blessings' we receive each month. But hey I want to have one more baby and you need to see our favorite aunt each month to know when we get to plan. I probably wouldn't mind either if I didn't feel so out of wack. I don't feel half way human. I feel like I'm caught in between two worlds. I feel like I can not tell what is top and what is bottom. I loose my temper sooo quickly, (my poor kids and husband), sooo tired, then so bouncing. Hey right now I am suppressing myself from killing Andrew's cat right now. He wont shut up from meowing. I can only think of two other times that my body went hay wired. The first one was shortly after our first baby was buried. My doctor then suggested that "My body was acting this way because this would of been Anthony's birth month" and in about a month or two all will be fine. Sure enough it was. The second is from about 3 years ago, (granted at this time I couldn't have kids so it didn't bother me and I never went to a doctor). But what I think happened is my body linked up with one of my pregnant friends. The reason I say that, is the day my cycle started, i found out later that my friends baby was born in the wee hours of the morning. I don't know if that is even possible, but hey if women can link up when living together, why not? Could this be menopause? But I'm only 32. No other symptoms. I'm too young! ACCAAAKKKK I'm going crazy. well I feel somewhat better venting. Well I go back to the doctors in a couple of days, maybe 2nd time is the charm.....


  1. Tonya so sorry for the problems you are having. Not a doctor or anything, but some of the things you described are what i go through with my thyroid issues. have you ever had that checked? i don't have a thyroid, and when its out of wack it messes EVERYTHING up. From your cycle, to your moods to your skin to your sorry! Sometimes life doesnt seem fair, but we will pray for you and you will be able to get on top of it!

  2. thx hon! i would look into it if we had insurance. when virnon decided to leave the job with the dealership, we lost all benefits. and i dont qualify for insurance because of various reasons. but i will keep that on my mind hon. Im so excited for you and the soon to be home baby.